All Arounds

If you know my story already, great, if you don't but I know you, you will learn it over the course of this blog, and if you don't know my story and don't know me, why are you reading this blog in the first place?

Anyway, it has been an interesting time lately. I've started hanging out with a friend of a friend, we will call her McKenzie as she says she loves that name ;) I am praying that this continues to be an awesome friendship. The only thing that makes me even remotely weary is that I am VERY comfortable talking to her about anything and everything, not that that is necessarily a bad thing. The issue comes in that when I am ok with talking about stuff too much I start to "re-live" them. For example, I have not givin in to almost any of my impulses even remotely since last Christmas. But after hanging out with McKenzie I was desperately wanting to give into all of them. It was really tough because it would not have been that hard to hide any of it from any one. This is where the real test comes in: can I cntinue to stay away from all of it without a physical consequence (like not getting to do something) for doing it. I can hide all of it easily, I could cope with it easily, but do I really want to take that path again? Do I want to deal with the secrecy and lying again? The guilt and shame that come with it? Is it worth the thrill of having a secret and the temporary satisfaction? To most people, no, not in the slightest, they do not understand it, but to anyone who has ever been in this gloriously dangerous and addictive trap that I live with, it is a HUGE decision. The over all answer to these questions though is NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!! In no way shape or form are the consequences worth the actions, but it is not an easy logic to give in to. But the beauty in these struggles can be seen in Paul's second letter to the Corinthians when he writes, "To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." (2 Corinthians 12:7-9) I do not have to worry about whether I can stand to say no or not because God's grace is sufficient for me, HE gives me the strength to say no, the strength to go on another day and not worry about whether I can stand to deal with any of it or not. HIS GRACE IS ENOUGH FOR ME, AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS!